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  • Translating the job description

  • Ever wondered what the employer is REALLY trying to tell you?

    Here are some translated excerpts from recent job descriptions:

    GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS’
    Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.

     

    SELF-MOTIVATED’
    Management won't answer questions.

     

    SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED’
    Some time each night and some time each weekend.

     

    DUTIES WILL VARY’
    Anyone in the office can boss you around.

     

    ‘COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT’
    We have a high staff turnover.

     

    ‘SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER’
    We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission payment.

     

    ‘CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE’
    We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up and a couple of guys wear earrings.

     

    ‘SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED’
    If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

     

    ‘SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE’
    You'll need the range of experience to replace three people who just left.

     

    ‘PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST’
    You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

     

    ‘CAREER-MINDED’
    We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

     

    ‘ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD’
    Complain about the workload and you're fired.

     

    ‘COMPETITIVE SALARY’
    We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

     

    ‘FLEXIBLE HOURS’
    Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

     

    ‘JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY'
    We have no time to train you.

     

    'MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED'
    You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

     

    'MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL'
    We have no quality control.

    'REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS'
    You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

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